I had been judging myself for awhile.
Things I wish I’d done differently as a parent, with my finances, in rebuilding my life after Mike died…. They all poked at me and gave my brain plenty of fodder to keep me ruminating long into the night.
It wasn’t until a recent conversation with another coach that I realized that I was judging decisions I had made while I grieving through the filter of my current happy life.
I realized that we all do the best we can in the moment.
Which of these situations will serve you more?
Calling yourself every name in the book and beating yourself up over something you did or said?
Or showing yourself a little grace for the doing the best you could at the time and giving deliberate thought to how you’d like to handle things going forward?
You are going to make better decisions for yourself when you come from a place of self-love and self-compassion than you will if you come from a place of self-recrimination.
(I can practically hear your thoughts through the computer screen: Sure, Sonja. How are we supposed to do that??)
1. Understand that your best is constantly changing.
There’s a great little book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The fourth agreement is to always do your best–but understand that your best changes from moment to moment.
“Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.”
Think of it like this: When you’re excited about your day, your best might be to dress in your favorite outfit and add just the right accessories. When you’re sick with the flu, it's a stretch to so much as put on a clean t-shirt.
2. Forgive yourself.
That thing you’re judging yourself for? Get real with it for a minute. What was going on at that time? How were you feeling physically and emotionally? What were the circumstances that had you making that decision or taking that action just then?
Whatever it is, there’s one thing I know: you did the best you could in circumstances that were not ideal. Maybe you were exhausted or broke or had been yelled at by your boss that day. Maybe you didn’t have the time or financial resources to choose a different path. Maybe you were sick or grieving or lonely.
Forgive yourself for things that were outside of your control.
3. Learn from the situation.
Just because you did the best you could in the moment doesn’t mean you can’t make a different
decision the next time you’re facing the same circumstance. Ask yourself these questions:
What is it about the situation that disappointed you?
What outcome would you rather have next time?
How can you set yourself up for that outcome going forward?
The great thing about life is that we're always learning and growing. The difficult part about life is that learning and growing often comes with figurative bumps and bruises.
Whatever it is that you’ve been ruminating over and wishing you had done differently, let it go.
Give yourself that peace.
Komentáře