When I was thinking about becoming a coach and building a business to help other grieving people rebuild their lives after loss, I spent a lot of time thinking about what worked for me–and what didn’t–after my husband died. What were the things I wished others had shared with me? What were the broader themes that had the greatest impact in building a new life that I love? And how could I share that with others?
In the end, I chose to lead with the values of courage, creativity, and intention.
Here’s why….
Courage
I always want to remember and honor the courage it takes for you to take those first shaky steps forward. Rebuilding a life in the wake of grief is no small thing.
But it goes beyond that. I’m a bit of a word nerd and spent some time with my dictionary when I was giving thought to these values.
Did you know that courage comes from the Latin cor meaning heart?
It is your heart that will guide you, give you the strength to keep going, and carry your memories wherever this journey takes you. Your heart feels battered now, but it is also the strongest part of you, and it will serve you as you rebuild your life.
It is within your own heart that you will find your courage.
Creativity
My son turned to drawing after his dad died. He had enjoyed it before, but it became the place where he could channel his grief after. When his life felt completely out of control, he had some agency over his skill level, and he spent hours learning with YouTube videos and practicing his craft.
Creative expression–whether it’s art, writing, music, or other creative endeavors–benefits grievers in so many ways and I encourage you to try it for yourself, but it’s not the only form of creativity I want for you.
As you start moving forward in life again, you won’t be recreating what you had (much as you might want to). Your new life will look so incredibly different, and I encourage you to draw on your courage and use your creativity and imagination to envision what that might look like.
Reach beyond the obvious hole in your life. What possibilities are there? Is there a job you’ve been curious about? A business idea you’ve been carrying around in the back of your mind? Someplace you’ve always dreamed of visiting or moving to? A new hobby you’ve wanted to try? Is there a book in you?
As you’re building your new life, you won’t be leaving your person firmly in the past. How do you want to bring their memory with you?
It's scary to think about the future, but keep in mind two things. First, these are just ideas. You don't have to act on any of them. Second, you've been through hell. You deserve to create something amazing while honoring your person's memory.
Intention
Grief changed you. You know it did (and many of your friends and family are wondering when the “old” you is going to reappear). But you don’t fit into that version of you anymore, and it’s going to take some time to figure out who you are now and who you want to be going forward.
Have your values changed? Your relationships? Boundaries? Interests? Temperament?
Are there changes that you'll have to make out of necessity? Maybe you have to move or change jobs.
While you’re figuring out the rest of your life (or at least your next steps), it’s easy to make those decisions in reaction to the chaos of grief or at least go with the easiest choice in the moment. My job as a coach is to help you make those decisions with intention. What's going to be the best path forward for you, even if it's not the easiest, and how will you get there? It takes courage and creativity to pause and figure that out.
Courage. Creativity. Intention. They all fit together and build on each other. They are the building blocks, so to speak, in creating a new life that you will love.
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